For those who don’t know me at all, or those who do but are a little fuzzy on the details, I’m going to try to go back and recap what’s been happening in my life. This is the first in the series.
I was fortunate to grow up in a Christian family and accept Christ at an early age. I remember many altar calls as I grew up. The pastor or speaker would say something along these lines, “Who will come down today and commit your life to serving the Lord – no matter where He leads you, no matter what the cost?” I would almost always feel a tugging deep in my spirit. “Yes, God, I want to be who You want me to be and do what You want me to do.” I went forward many times – not to get saved again, because that cannot be lost. It was the burning desire to again commit myself to His will for my life.
For many years, I thought I would be a missionary doctor to Africa. I would help the sick while at the same time telling them about Jesus. Why it is that when we think about surrendering ours lives to the Lord, Africa always seems to pop into our minds? I was ready to dwell in a hut, live far from the comforts I was accustomed to, and eat bugs when necessary. (Well, that’s mostly true – everything but the bug part.) However, as the Lord has directed me in His will for my life, leaving this country has had little to do with it. His will for me has been a great deal more about staying… Staying in situations that are draining the life out of you – just because you know God lead you there. Staying faithful to God when He seems very far away. Staying connected to those around you when all you really want to do is hide in a closet and eat chocolate. Sometimes I look at my life and think, “God, I’d rather be eating bugs in Africa!” There are moments when I think my life verse should be Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” How about you? Have you ever grown terribly tired of hoping because it only seems to lead to more disappointment?
Somewhere along the way, we get the false idea that the Christian life is supposed to be easy. That is simply not true. Most people of faith had to endure great trials. Think about Abraham, Jeremiah, Daniel, Joseph, and the disciples. 2 Corinthians 4:8 says, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” While it says they were not crushed, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed, it DOES say they were afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down. What a happy sermon that would make. J
Through it all, one of the greatest lessons God has taught me is how to trust. We hear a lot of people talk about faith. The question is what do we put our faith in? As a Christian, I know it’s God, but there is a great deal more to it than that. Many people these days say it’s having faith that God will give you what you are praying for. While I whole-heartedly believe that God is all-powerful and can perform any miracle He desires, I also know that He is far wiser than I will ever be and what I’m praying for (even if it appears to be a good thing to me and all those around me) just might not be in line with God’s ultimate, sovereign plan. Let’s not forget the Israelites to insisted on having a king. To them it seemed like a great idea, but God knew better. He gave them what they wanted with this warning:
These will be the ways of the king who will reign over you: he will take your sons and appoint them to his chariots and to be his horsemen and to run before his chariots…He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive orchards and give them to his servants. He will take the tenth of your grain and of your vineyards and give it to his officers and to his servants. He will take your male servants and female servants and the best of your young men and your donkeys, and put them to his work. He will take the tenth of your flocks, and you shall be his slaves. And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the Lord will not answer you in that day. ~ I Samuel 8
I’ve learned that it’s not about believing I’ll get what I want but knowing that no matter what happens, He is in control and He will get me through. It’s also not about denying reality. It’s facing what lies ahead and choosing to keep moving forward in God’s strength.
I’ve learned to give my requests to the Lord, praying freely for what I desire, while at the same time leaving my heart open to the reality that His ultimate plan may include a path different from that which I would have chosen for myself. And on the days when I have absolutely no desire to do the things He has called me to do, I pray that He will give me the desire and strength to do it anyway. “For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).
I will leave you with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” (BTW – What Lies Within was one of my other blog title choices. Yep, it was already taken too.)
Janel
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