My Article

I’ve scanned the article I wrote, and I’m going to try to post it.  (If you missed the explanation, look a couple posts back to “I’m Published!”)  ABCH generally does not mention their foster children by name in their publications, so none of our names are used.

I believe you can click on each picture, and it will bring it full screen so it’s easier to read.  If not, grab a magnifying glass, and we’ll hope for the best.

Janel

Taken from LifePrints, July & August 2011.

I'm Published!

After Autumn finished her time in TheraPlay, her counselor asked if I would write about our experience.  ABCH produces Life Prints, a small bimonthly magazine.  There was a possibility that they might use my article in a future issue.

I received the newest Life Prints in the mail a couple days ago, and I was thrilled to see that they had used the piece I’d written.  Yeah!!!  (Of course, there was a little editing.)  They have posted some of the older issues to their website, but last two are not there yet.  I’m hoping they will get caught up soon, and I can give you a direct link to the article.  You can click here to see past issues.

I was so excited!  Also, Autumn’s counselor sent me an email yesterday.  Here’s some of what she said:

Your article has been a HUGE success!  I have gotten several comments from several foster parents about how your story helps them to have hope.  I am even using it with NON ABCH parents in theraplay when they are losing hope. 

They titled the article “Our Daughter, His Love,” and it’s in the July & August 2011 publication.

Janel

Adoption Resources

While on the subject of adoption, I will share some information that will hopefully benefit anyone who might consider adopting a child from the foster care system.  You know…all those questions you might have wondered but were afraid to ask.  J  As you read, keep in mind that this is just my understanding of the entire process.  Also, things change over time (and between states), so this information may not be true for your specific situation.

The purpose of the foster care system is to work toward reunification with the child’s birth family.  If the court determines that reunification is not in the child’s best interest, parental rights can be terminated.  This process can take many years.  If a child cannot return to his/her parents, then other family will be considered.  If a suitable family member cannot be found, the child becomes available for adoption, and the foster family the child has been living with is generally the first to be considered.  If no one adopts the child, he/she remains in the foster care system.  Something I just received in the mail said that there are 600 children who are legally available for adoption in Alabama...600 children longing for a permanent family...600 children who may have no one to turn to once they age out of the system.

I’ve heard that people can sometimes pay $20,000 or more for international or private adoptions.  Foster care adoptions are not nearly as costly.  You only have to pay the court and attorney fees (maybe a couple thousand) – and you may not even have to pay that, depending on the nature of the adoption.  Certain groups of children are eligible for adoption subsidies.  The subsidy could include money for court/attorney costs, continued Medicaid services, and money to help pay for the child’s continuing expenses.  Now, if you adopt a foster child who is a baby with no health concerns, you have little hope of a subsidy.  Children that could be eligible for a subsidy include:  children 8 years of age or older, African-American children 2 years of age or older, sibling groups of 3 or more, a child with a documented mental or physical disability, a child with an emotional disturbance, or a child documented to be at high risk for developing a mental or physical disability.  This is for Alabama; the link above provides info for other states.  You may wonder why the state does this.  From their perspective, even if the child is granted an adoption subsidy, the state saves a lot of money.  It is much more expensive for the child to remain in the foster care system for the rest of his/her life.

There is also an adoption tax credit.  Another good resource is the Alabama Foster & Adoptive Parent Association (AFAPA).  Criss & I attended an AFAPA Conference several years ago that was very helpful.  Feel free to ask if you have any other questions.

Janel

Will You Be My Family?

This is the picture we used for Autumn’s adoption announcement.

Here’s the poem we put on the front.

Will You Be My Family?

Will you take my picture?

Will you take my side?

Will you take the pain away

I’ve tried so hard to hide?

Will you watch me play in goal

In foul or freezing weather?

Could we spend all Christmases

And holidays together?

Will you pack a lunch for me?

Sometimes hold my hand?

Can we be just ordinary?

Do you understand?

When I throw a tantrum

Will you promise not to pack?

If I learn to love you

Will you try to love me back?

Will we see the funny side?

Laugh when times get tough?

We will be a family

That will be enough.

Lindsay MacRae

Adoption

If you ever have to deal with family court, my best advice is to not expect anything to happen quickly.  One day the judge will decide to go to the dentist – and they reschedule you for 6 months later.  The next time you go, one of the attorneys won't make it for one reason or another, and the case is put off another 6 months or so.

Beyond the court system, DHR social workers around here leave before you’ve even had time to learn their names.  Autumn had at least 8 DHR social workers in 4 years.  Some were very good at what they did.  The system is just so overloaded.  That is why when anyone asks me about foster parenting, I always recommend they go through a secondary agency like we did with ABCH.  In addition to the many DHR social workers, we also had one social worker at ABCH who was always available when we needed someone.

One of the difficult things for me during this time was that Criss was not allowed to keep Autumn by himself due to one of ABCH’s policies.  While it is perfectly understandable, that did not make it any easier to implement.  The rule was put in place to protect male foster parents from any false allegations.  So, any time I needed to go anywhere – to the store, to a meeting, etc. – either Autumn had to go with me, or someone had to come to the house to sit with Criss and the kids until I got back.

So, in addition to all the medical stuff that was going on, we had monthly visits with the social workers, court dates, and visits with the birth family.  And then one day, the end was in sight.  Family rights were terminated, and we were transferred from the foster system to an adoption worker.  We signed a mountain of paperwork, and Autumn was one step closer to being ours forever.  We were now considered the adoptive parents, and the only regulation was that we couldn’t leave the country with her.  I wish I could describe to you the weight I felt lift off me that day.  Then, on September 23, 2009, Autumn became an official member of our family.

It takes longer to walk from the parking lot to the building than it does for the actual court hearing to take place.  We were accompanied by all of the grandparents and others who were involved in the process.  Afterward, we had a special dinner with family at our house to celebrate!

"...But you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba!  Father!'  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children then heirs - heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."  Romans 8:15-17

Janel